Stuck
by Daughter of Lestrange
Summary: After Emmett pulls a prank on Edward's new girlfriend, she and Edward decide to get him back! Read this hilarious story to find out how.


**(( I decided to write this because I'm working on my own story and my brain needed a break and wanted to get back to something familiar! And do something funny. I love doing funny Twilight stories. Yes, this one one is stupid, but I hope it gives you a laugh anyway :) ))**

I always hated Truth or Dare. It was alright when I was eight, but back then the dares were only things like "go yell 'hurry up, I have to poop' in the bathroom". Childish things. Then when I got into junior high, my brain-dead classmates would play and do things that were not only stupid, but illegal. "I dare you to go ruin that electrical box." "I dare you to break into Johnny's house and steal his boxers." Needless to say, I got sick of it. It was an immature game for people who were easily swayed by peer pressure. The only time I would ever play again would be the naughty version on my wedding night... or so I thought.

Nothing will happen, he'd said. It'll be funny, he'd said. Edward won't get mad at you, he'll think this is hilarious! So, being the rather gullible person that I am, and thinking it was a bit funny myself, I decided to... well, maybe I should back up a bit.

I had been dating Edward Cullen for almost a year. I felt absolutely horrible for him. He had lost his wife in a horrible misunderstanding with a nomadic vampire clan three years before. His young daughter Nessie had been full of anger and went to the Volturi. In a desperate act, she had traded her eternity for their vengeance against those vampires.

When I met him, he had been in the library, pouring over the classics. He looked devastated. I thought it was the plot of the book he was reading, a semi-tragedy called Faust. I couldn't resist going up to him. That was one of my favorite books and hardly any other person my age had read it. Especially a guy. It was just too good to pass up! We had hung out since that day. He looked less and less miserable as the days went on. Eventually, I guessed right on the nose what he was. He had told me what happened then. He would have cried if he could have, and my heart just broke for him. Not long after that, he asked me out. We were still together.

I loved his family, too. They were loads of fun, especially on days like this. It was pouring rain outside. We had planned to go out, but the drops were so large and coming down so thick that even they could hardly see to drive through it. We stayed in, each doing our own individual thing. Edward went to sit at the piano, composing new songs. He was brilliant, of course, but I didn't know the first thing about playing and I soon got bored. I mucked about the house for a long time, doing a whole array of random things. I suppose the others got just as bored as I was, and came downstairs.

A long time of deciding what to do turned in to Alice daring Emmett to do one of the stupid things that had been mentioned. After a bit of playful bickering, Emmett finally got up, laughing, and went outside to touch the now charged lightning rod. It couldn't hurt him, but Emmett's hand was actually hot, and he said that he had actually felt a hearbeat.

We played for quite a while, with myself mostly taking Truth. I finally made up my mind that the next time it was my turn, I would pick a dare. The Cullens were Victorian after all, and their dares hadn't been so bad. Very harmless, actually, and pretty funny. I knew they would take it easy on me, since I was a human. The thing that I didn't count on was that it was Emmett who would pick my dare.

He thought about for a few seconds, then finally snickered. "I dare you to lick Edward and run away!"

"What?" I laughed. "I can't do that! He'll think I'm a pervert or something!"

"Nah, nothing will happen, I promise! It'll be funny," Emmett grinned. "Edward would never get mad at you. He'll think this is hilarious!"

Alice smacked his shoulder. "Don't you do that to her! That is so terrible, Emmett McCarthy!"

"It's alright, Alice," I said, smiling. "Now that I think about, Edward _will_ probably think it's funny!"

"Oh, but I really don't think you should!"

"No, no, don't worry about it! Edward could use a little excitement."

"But that isn't what I meant -"

"Quiet you!" Emmett laughed. "She wants to do it, so let her do it!"

Alice worriedly bit her thumb nail. "Ohhh..."

I popped up and ran to the other side of the room. Edward was concentrating so hard on his piano, that he hadn't even realized I was there. I wrapped my arms around and nuzzled my nose into the base of his neck. I felt him twitch slightly from surprise, but then I felt his head turn. He smiled up at me.

"Hello! What can I do for you, pet?" He asked, going back to looking at the keys.

"Nothing... I just came over to see if you want to go out later, if it stops raining."

"Sure, I would love to."

"Great! Thank you. I love you, Edward!" I snuggled my nose into his neck. I had to get up my courage. Breathing out deeply, and swallowing, I licked him. I quickly tried to back up and turn around to run away, but...

I was stuck. No. I couldn't be! I tried to pull away again. Everything backed up except my tongue.

"Uh-oh."

From the other side of the room, I heard Emmett's booming laugh. From the corner of my eye, I could see Rosalie in the kitchen with her face in her hands, trying to hide how hard she was giggling.

"Noooo! Hey! What'th going on? I'm thuck!" I cried. It made me even angrier when I realized I couldn't say my s's right.

Alice came up to us then. "I tried to tell you! This is the vampire version of the old 'tongue on the telephone pole' trick."

"Aw, thip," I grumbled.

Edward laughed at my attempt to swear. "You're absolutely horrible, Emmett! I can hardly believe you would..." He couldn't even finish. He was laughing too hard. The shaking made me kept bopping my nose against his ear.

I could see Alice biting her knuckles, trying so hard not to start cracking up.

"Thop it! Thop it, it'th not funny!" I stamped my feet up and down, making my butt waddled from side to side.

At this point, no one could hide it anymore. Alice's high, tinkling laugh broke through in full. Rosalie was pounding her fist on the counter, laughing so hard she wasn't breathing, and Emmett had fallen of the couch. Esme came into the room, then, hearing all the racket.

"What have I missed?" She smiled brightly. "What is so funny in here?"

"I'M THUCK!" I yelled, my arms flapping up and down wildly.

"You're what...?" Esme came up to examine us. "Oh, you are stuck! Goodness! Why you poor...p-poor thing..." A small snicker escaped. I could tell she was just dying to laugh at me as well. She turned for a second, her hair hiding her face, cleared her throat, then look back at me, a straight face put on. "I think you two had better go and see Carlisle." She finished in a rush, the corners of her lips twitching, desperate to smile.

It was in vain. She let out a small snort from deep in her throat that set everyone to laughing again. I humphed. Sure, go ahead, laugh at the stupid human stuck dangling by the tongue on the vampire. How hilarious. Esme finally composed herself again, and shushed everyone. Edward sighed deeply.

"Come on, you," he chuckled. "Let's go upstairs and unstick you, my poor, quick frozen darling."

Edward began to stand up. We had both forgotten how short I was compared to him. As he stood, my neck stretched out, and I went up and up on my tip toes.

"Waid!" I shrieked, my eyes bugged out in panic. I was whacking him frantically with both hands. "I'm too thort!"

"Oh! I'm sorry!" He sounded sincere, though I also felt Edward snicker again. He lifted me up and put me on his hip.

As he passed the living room, I shook my fist at Emmett. "Justh you waid, busther! Justh you waid! Onth I'm outta dere, you're gonna ged id!"

Edward began taking me up the stairs and as soon as we were at the top, I heard everyone burst into laughter. We made our way to Carlisle's office... from what I could tell. All I could really see was Edward's earlobe and hairline. He held me with one arm and knocked on Carlisle's door.

"One moment, please," came his voice, from inside.

"I forgot Carlisle had someone in, from our business," Edward sighed. He listened for a moment then said, "They're almost done."

I rested my head on his shoulder. My tongue was starting to ache now. Once it was back in my head, I was never sticking it out again. After a few moments of not being able to close my mouth right, I accidentally drooled on him. I put my head back up and tried to squeeze his shirt.

"Thorry."

"That's alright," he chuckled. "You know, if you weren't actually stuck to me, I really would not mind this. It's quite cozy."

Just then, I heard a door open and footsteps approach us.

"What are you two waiting for?" I heard Jasper ask.

"We had an... accident. Her tongue is stuck to my neck."

"Really?" He sounded very amused, but at least he didn't laugh. That was an improvement.

I could feel him examining our situation. I could see his nose and some blonde hair out of the corner of my eye. Finally, it went away, but I could tell he was still there, looking curiously at me. When I thought he was about to walk away, he came up and tapped me.

"I'm not even going to ask you how this happened," he told me, cheerfully.

"Thand you," I said.

I heard him going down the stairs then, but I saw him chuckling to himself, and shaking his head.

Several minutes later, the person who had been with Carlisle emerged, said good-bye to him and went off. Thankfully he didn't notice us.

"What can I do for the two of you?" Carlisle asked.

"Unthick me, pleath," I replied.

"I'm sorry...?"

"Emmett told her to lick me," Edward clarified.

"Ah, I see. I take it that didn't go so well for you?" He snickered. "Come in here, then, I'll see what I can do for you."

Edward took me in to Carlisle's study. I'd only been in there a few times. It was so beautiful and I was just dying to look through all the books. We sat down on a leather sofa between two of the bookshelves. Carlisle got a light off his desk, then shone it where my tongue was connected to Edward's neck. He went back to his desk after that and I heard him take something out of a drawer. I wondered what it could possibly be. He had a very small sink on one of the corners of the room. I could hear him running the water for several seconds before he came back to us.

"I suppose the only thing we can do for this case is to amputate," he said sadly.

"WHAD?" I cried.

He and Edward laughed. "I am only teasing. This is probably the easiest thing to fix. Like they say in all those medical shows, all you really need is hot water. Ready?"

"I th'ppose."

In the next second, my tongue got very hot, then freezing cold again as Carlisle plucked it off Edward's neck. I tried to put it back in my mouth but I tasted blood. Carlisle told me to stick it out again. He wrapped the tip of it in gauze and put something over it that I couldn't see to make it stay there.

"There you are, you're free," he smiled.

Years of medical training and working with people who had stupid accidents had given him more decency to this sort of thing then anyone else in the house. When I looked at his eyes, though, I could tell he was extremely amused by all of this.

I put my tongue back in my mouth. It was aching from being out, and now sore where some of my skin had come off it. I humphed.

"That'th the lath time I trutht Emmeh to play with me!"

Again, there was more laughter.

"Perhaps you could play one with him," Carlisle suggested.

"Whad d'ya mean?"

"It seems to me that Emmett has it coming to him. Since he loves pranks so much, why not play one on him?"

"But how? I can't do anything that fatht."

"One thing I've learned in all these years, is that if you can't be fast, then you have to be sneaky."

"Thneaky? But wouldn't he sthee me coming?"

"Not necessarily. I do think I have the perfect thing in my library to give him a good scare."

Edward and I followed Carlisle into the next room where he kept the bulk of his books. After telling me a brief story from Emmett's past, Carlisle showed me what I would need, right in the middle of the room. It was simple. It was convenient. It was too perfect. Emmett was about to meet his match.

A few days later, my tongue healed. I could hot food again, instead of the plain noodles I'd been slurping. I had decided to wait until I was healed to put our plan in to action. After all, what good was having a victory if I couldn't totally enjoy it?

We hadn't told anyone – except for Alice, who had seen our idea anyway. She was sweet enough, and had a good enough sense of humor to keep quiet about it. Carlisle was able to get Emmett out of the house on some innocent errand. Everyone else seemed to be occupied. Esme was watching TV with Jasper and Alice and Rosalie was showering. I went and hid in the closet under their stairs. Carlisle brought down his large bear skin rug from his library.

Edward snuck in to the closet with me. I stood on a footstool so that I would be at eye level with Emmett. Edward helped me put the bear's paws over my hands. When we heard Emmett come in the front door, Edward quickly put the old bear's head over mine. It was so heavy, and stared to get hot, but it would be so worth it.

Edward quickly popped back out of the closet and went over to everyone watching TV.

"Would anyone like to play a board game?" He asked. "We're very bored, and we wanted to know who would join us."

Alice happily agreed, with a knowing smile. She smooched Jasper in to it. Esme and Emmett both said they'd like to play. I could suddenly hear footsteps above me. I grinned to myself. Carlisle and Rosalie were at the top of the stairs. Good. I didn't want them to miss this!

"Why don't you choose, Emmett?" Edward suggested. "Usually Alice or I pick."

I heard Emmett coming to the closet. I could hardly keep from laughing. It seemed like it was taking him hours to get over to me! Finally, he opened the door.

"ROOOOOAAAR!" I yelled, extending my bear claws out to grab him.

I could just barely see from under the head. Emmett's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. He turned several shades whiter from fear. Then, he screamed. Not in a low, growling tone, that I would expect from a man his size. He screamed a perfect high C note.

In his haste to get away, he tore the closet door off. There was a loud crash, then all was quiet except for the Cullen family's laughter. I had never seen any of them laugh so hard in all the time I had been there – not even when they were laughing at me.

Edward helped me out of the bear rug. He took it over to the other side of the room and put it on a coat-rack. The aftermath of Emmett's escape looked like something in a cartoon. Alice told us to stay there, then went to grab her camera. When she came back, she took a picture of me, Edward, the bear, and a large, gaping, Emmett-sized hole in the wall.


End file.
